


maladroit

by itsozzy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Body Image, Boys In Love, Dry Humping, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Body Worship, Realistic, boys in so much love it hurts, mild dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9063292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsozzy/pseuds/itsozzy
Summary: It’s probably the wettest, grossest kiss they’ve ever exchanged, but for some mysterious reason unbeknownst to either of them, it’s also their sweetest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> # mal·a·droit ; adjective.  
>  bungling, clumsy.
> 
> i wrote this fic while listening to [this](https://open.spotify.com/user/infinash/playlist/3rzwkk3x6uNBJh5ju0atC4) tanatsuki playlist i made on spotify. take a listen while you read maybe. 
> 
> ship this.

Tsukishima glimpses at Tanaka with a distant, melancholic mist in his eyes before letting heavy eyelids fall shut. He anxiously thumbs the headphone wires dangling from his ears and loses himself in thought amidst the music pleasantly drowning out reality. 

How long has it been since Tanaka first fearlessly and openly confessed his feelings to him, he wonders? It feels like a millennia ago already. Each day spent with him and his overflowing love and compassion feels like years. Warmth spreads through his body as blood rushes to his cheeks; intense feelings of infatuation thumping in his chest. He ruminates their late night conversations. The shy, yet flirtatious exchanges that make his skin burn. The pictures Tanaka sends him without expecting anything in return.

His breathing falters into uneven intervals and fingers furl into fists within his lap. He knows Tanaka must be waiting on him, knows that he must want to take things further. Tsukishima isn’t  _ oblivious _ ; he’s caught onto the signs, noticed the subtle glances of lust shot his way when Tanaka thought he wasn’t looking. The way he lingers a little longer some days when they kiss. 

And it’s not like Tsukishima doesn’t feel the same way. It’s far from that. He wants to be with Tanaka, to open himself up to him the same way he already does. But it’s just so difficult to put himself out there in that way. To show that embarrassing side of himself that he rarely even lets out when he’s alone. Just the thought of another person witnessing something so intimate and personal is a little overwhelming.

But as he cracks his eyes open to peek over at the body resting so snugly on his bed, Tsukishima honestly thinks, that it wouldn’t be so bad if it’s with Tanaka. 

Tanaka who is brighter than the sun, who is comfortable in his own skin, and who has torrential amounts of love and respect for him. Nervous and excited energies intermix and rush through his entire being as his body subconsciously starts to move. His feet are already hitting the floor, echoing in the otherwise quiet room, before he can take it back. 

Tanaka stirs from his groggy thoughts with an inquisitive and rough sound, peeking over his shoulder to see where his boyfriend was headed to. When Tsukishima doesn’t give a verbal response, he shifts to his other side and faces him. His head rests atop a toned bicep, an arm draped over an exposed abdomen. Tsukishima’s mouth runs dry as he forces himself to take a few steps forward. 

“Were you sleeping?” He asks as he reaches the quilted edge of the mattress. Tanaka lazily reaches out and wraps an arm around his hip, and he’s easily led into sitting down beside him. When Tanaka hums his disagreement, Tsukishima exhales a laugh through his nose. “Liar.”

“I am not.” Tanaka mumbles into the sheets, fingers tugging at Tsukishima’s shirt. The corners of Tsukishima’s lips dangerously quiver into smile territory. His heart's still racing, his palms a little clammy. But this boy’s atmosphere, however strange it may seem, is comforting. It quells the restless negativity in his stomach. Tanaka removes his face from the comfort of the bedding to gaze curiously up at the surprisingly quiet blond. Tsukishima glances away against his own will. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Tsukishima anticipates Tanaka interjecting at such a dry response, as he’s already opening his mouth to speak, when he leans in close to his face. Any words that were about to be uttered escape on the tip of his tongue as Tsukishima presses their lips together. His glasses go askew, but he doesn’t care. Tanaka’s mouth tastes like sleep and leftover gum, but he doesn’t care. It was enough to get him to shut up and stop asking questions about things he really doesn’t want to answer.

It caught Tanaka off guard. As Tsukishima is pulling away to satisfy his burning lungs need for air ( which were already lacking in the first place ), the wind is almost knocked out of him by the force in which Tanaka bolts upright. He notices a hand rising to touch his lips, the color growing on the tips of his ears. It’s encouraging, he thinks, to see a reaction as flustered as he feels.

“Haha,  **wow** … What was that for? I mean, not that I’m complaining or anything.” Tanaka smiles at him with such warmth and ease it releases the tension hidden in his brow. It’s stupid how he’s so easily affected by this idiot. 

He straightens his glasses on the bridge of his nose and clears his throat for lack of better words. How do people do this kind of thing so easily? This action he just performed, however flustering it might have been, is still a daily occurrence when dealing with Tanaka. It isn’t anything new. Tsukishima bites his lip and looks down at his boyfriend, who is looking back at him expectantly. He knows what he wants to do, but his body isn’t cooperating with him. His fingers twitch when he thinks about reaching out to hold him, but his arms don’t budge. 

“Do I need a reason?” Finally, he decides to speak in favor of battling against his own limbs. “You do it all the time.” 

Tanaka blinks up at him once, twice; a creeping dither rising up his throat in the form of restrained laughter. “No, I guess you don’t.” He wipes at his eyes, clearing away sleep and tears. 

And that’s when Tsukishima finds the courage to scoot closer to him; as his view is veiled by rubbing fists. Tanaka removes his hands to blink his vision back into focus just as Tsukishima hesitantly places a trembling hand to his thigh. He can hear Tanaka’s surprised intake of breath as if it were his own. It raises the hairs on the back of his neck. 

“Kei?” The way his name sounds on Tanaka’s tongue warms his belly. It shows in the way his lips fall apart and struggle to obtain air. He wonders if Tanaka’s heart is beating as painfully hard as his own. 

Tanaka has been watching, silently, though he isn't oblivious either. “Hey, Kei…”

Tsukishima makes a conscious effort to remove his glasses and put them in a safe place. He's already broken one too many pairs, and he isn't about to break these in such an embarrassing way. 

“Kei?” Tanaka grabs his face once the distractions are gone. He's expecting an answer. Tsukishima still doesn't give him one. Instead, he kisses him again. He pushes against the heavy palms cradling his warming skin, envelops Tanaka’s neck and shoulders with long arms. He can feel a stuttered breath exhaled against his lips before he closes the distance. 

Both of their lips are chapped and uncomfortable. But neither of them seem to care as they melt and mold together. Tanaka’s fingers find themselves inching towards the back of Tsukishima’s head, his fingers carding through his hair. Goosebumps rise on the nape of his neck at the feeling of calloused pads rubbing against his scalp. Tanaka makes a noise into Tsukishima’s open mouth and they share a moment of skin prickling intimacy that strikes them at their cores. 

It's all a little too much, too quickly. At least for Tanaka anyway. Despite Tsukishima’s firm grip on the back of his shaved head, Tanaka manages to pry himself free. They meet each other's gaze for but a brief moment, the emotions so evidently displayed within them making it unbearable to look. 

Tanaka clears his throat. Tsukishima can tell there’s something on his mind, something he needs to ask. The way his brow crinkles at the bridge of his nose gives it away. He knows, because every stupid question that comes out of his mouth happens right after that adorable brow pinches together. So when he finally opens his mouth to speak, Tsukishima prepares himself for the worst. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” 

He knew, but that doesn't stop him from feeling irritated. Tsukishima sucks his teeth, repositions himself over Tanaka’s legs. “If I wasn't, would I even be doing this?” The obvious answer is no. But Tanaka Ryuunosuke doesn't always know the obvious the answer. 

“I, um? I mean, sometimes you let me kiss you when you're not really feelin’ it.” Tsukishima hates that he has a point. But this is a completely different matter! Tanaka places his hands at Tsukishima’s hips, circles them around his waist. His head finds comfort in the thin fabric of his cotton tee. “So I don't want this to be, like - something you feel like you  **have** to do. I want you to want it too.” 

It's sweet, yes, but Tsukishima can feel a vein throbbing in his forehead. He doesn't want to talk about this, yet he knows they need to. “I do.” He admits, quietly, chin resting atop Tanaka’s head. He's glad they're not looking at each other. “I want to.” His body is starting to betray him; he can feel the heat flushing his skin. “I, I've been - thinking about it.” Tanaka gasps against his chest, he can feel it. His ears are melting off. “And I guess… It won't  _ totally _ suck, if it's with you.” 

Tanaka laughs into his shirt, warm breath tickling his skin. Tsukishima desperately wants to hide his burning face. “Will you tell me what you've been thinking about?” 

There’s no way he can do that. No way in hell. Tsukishima palms his face as he takes a deep and unsteady breath. Tanaka stiffens beneath him as if he’s waiting for him to speak. “No.” How would he even put those kinds of thoughts into words? He thinks back to evenings spent alone in his room where he dared to allow fantasies to creep up and take over. How he allowed his hand to touch himself while imagining it was Tanaka’s. To admit that would be too embarrassing. Tsukishima shakes his head, to add emphasize that no, in fact, he will  **not** be talking about it. 

“Okay, okay. That’s fine.” Tanaka attempts to lighten the mood with his smile. It isn’t too terribly difficult for him to do; it’s stupidly contagious. Especially when he leans up and presses that blinding smile against Tsukishima’s scowling mouth. “We don’t have to talk about anything.” 

Tsukishima appreciates this aspect to Tanaka’s personality the most. He worries, yes, but he knows when he shouldn’t pry. He knows how to give him space and accepts him for the way he is. And that, to him, is the most comforting. The tension in his body eases and he lowers himself to Tanaka’s eye level. “Then shut up already.” 

Once more, Tsukishima places his hand atop one of Tanaka’s toned thighs. It quivers beneath his touch and he can feel the muscle through his sweatpants. He sees these thighs every day in practice, but feeling them — they’re more defined than he thought they’d be. They may not be as thick as other members’ on the team, but they’re taut and strong. Polished, he thinks. Tanaka takes such good care of his body it almost makes him a little self conscious. 

His hand travels over the groove of Tanaka’s hipbone. He palms the expanse of Tanaka’s abdomen, his broad chest. Neither of them say a word as Tsukishima takes him in. He explores his body cautiously, yet with the intent of memorizing every single detail. Who knows when he’ll gain the courage to do something like this again? He wets his lip as he reaches his boyfriend’s neck, thin fingers splayed across his clavicle. Tanaka looks up at him, a primal hunger sparking deep within the grays of his eyes. It strikes Tsukishima right in the heart.

Knees straining and weak against the mattress, Tsukishima pulls them free to stretch. They lay on either side of Tanaka’s waist, and in this position, he decides to take advantage. He pulls him closer, grabs his legs and wraps them around his back. Their chests nearly touch. Their —  _ their dicks are totally touching _ . Tsukishima’s entire body flares up, nerves on end. Each breath exhaled an unsteady pant. 

This is happening. This is, right now in actual present time and space, happening. Tsukishima Kei is  **not** dreaming. “H-Hold on.” 

Tanaka freezes immediately, gapes up at him anxiously; his hands hovering, faltering, above his hips. His lips are pulled tight into a thin line, not daring to say anything. Tsukishima closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to steady himself before he rests his forehead against Tanaka’s. He barely notices the layer of sweat mixing into his bangs. Tanaka settles beneath him, though he still respectfully keeps his hands to himself. Kei hasn’t given the okay yet, after all. 

How thoughtful can this guy be? Tsukishima buries his face into the crook of Tanaka’s neck, tightens the hold his legs have around his body. This is supposed to be a good moment, yet here he is, barely able to hold his emotions in check. Everything he’s ever held in feels like it’s about to burst out of him. Every word of love and affection he’s bitten off out of fear of embarrassing himself. He feels so guilty, so in love, so so  **so** desperately in love. 

Tsukishima chokes out mumbled affections into Tanaka’s neck, his lips pressed against his skin. He hears Tanaka inhale a moan, feels him twitch where they’re attached at the hip. Those hands still haven’t touched him and Tsukishima feels his entire body swell. “... it’s okay.”

The affirmation, however mumbled it might have been, was enough for him. Tanaka confidently wraps his hands around Tsukishima’s hips and slowly drags him forward and back a few times.  Is this what dry humping is? Tsukishima wonders, mind racing. He can feel the outline of Tanaka’s dick each time he shifts. He can feel it  _ grow _ against him. Tsukishima peeks down between them, catches the sight of Tanaka’s dick tenting in his sweats. 

And it’s this that makes Tsukishima realize that yes, in fact, Tanaka was definitely waiting on him. He seems so eager, so willing. 

Tsukishima decides it’s now or never. Tentatively, he presses his hips down onto the hard warmth rubbing against him. Heat coils in his belly, spreads to his toes. He can feel himself getting hard, and Tanaka obviously notices as well, because he’s enveloping his entire body with his arms. The feeling of Tanaka’s palms against his back is intoxicating, the blunt edges of his nails dragging against his shirt. It’s getting a little hard to breathe.

Rough fingertips startle the sensitive skin on Kei’s back as his shirt is cautiously inched upwards. Tanaka runs his index finger along his spine, stops in the middle of his back. Tsukishima takes this as a question, asking him if it’s okay to go any farther. Tanaka knows he doesn’t like showing skin, knows he doesn’t like people looking at him. Yet again, he surprises the hell out of him with his consideration. 

The thought of showing Tanaka his body makes him mildly anxious. He knows he’d never judge him, but he’s still worried of the unknown. There are so many good, and bad, reactions he could have. 

Tsukishima worries his lower lip. Tanaka seems to catch on and instantly drops the fabric a few inches. He looks a little guilty. When he really shouldn’t be, Tsukishima thinks, it should be him feeling that way instead. “No, go ahead.”

It must be a pleasant surprise, no doubt; he’s beaming from ear to ear. Tsukishima doesn’t hold back the timid smile forming on his lips. He straightens his spine and Tanaka slides his hands up his sides, scrunching the fabric up along the way. It passes his armpits and he pulls his arms through the sleeves, the fabric left dangling loosely around his neck. Tsukishima gently swats Tanaka’s hands away to finish taking it off himself, carefully sliding it over his hair ( the fabric always makes it staticy, and he doesn’t want that kind of unpleasant surprise ). 

Once the article of clothing is removed, Tsukishima is left sitting awkward and bare. His skin is flushed from his collarbones to the tips of his ears. Tanaka isn’t looking at that, though, he notices. He’s staring at the slight pudge of his stomach that pokes over the waistband of his pajama pants. The one place he really doesn’t want the attention. 

Tanaka absentmindedly reaches out for it and Tsukishima instinctively grabs his wrist. His grip is a tad tighter than he meant it to be, so he apologizes with a furrow of his brow. 

“You’re really beautiful, Kei.” 

The world feels as if it stops spinning. Time has ceased to exist. Kei blinks away his amazement, his heart startling as Tanaka reaches out again. He doesn’t stop him this time, not when he so affectionately cups the skin below his belly button. He’s staring at it as if it’s the most incredible thing in the world. 

And Kei might just start believing it.

“... you’re so embarrassing. I thought I told you to stop talking.” But he’s smiling. A genuine smile that melts Tanaka’s heart. Though it only lasts for the briefest of moments. 

The hands on his stomach splay apart and grope along his ribs, ghost over his nipples and hover. Tsukishima’s breath hitches in the back of his throat and he weakly shoots a half-hearted glare. Its effects are lessened even more by the way his dick distinctly jerks and prods against the other obvious erection still pressing into him. 

“I always wondered what color your nipples were, Kei. They’re really pink! That’s amazing!” Tanaka gingerly pinches a singular bud between his fingers, watching in pure fascination as it comes to life. Tsukishima, having not expected such an open and honest admittance, is shocked into silence as Tanaka explores his body as he had done earlier. 

Tsukishima’s stomach drops as he watches Tanaka swipe his tongue across his teeth. 

His mouth captures the nipple he had been focused on, suckles it between his lips while his tongue flicks across it. Tsukishima’s shoulders pinch together and surrounds his head, his fingers grappling at the balls of his shoulders. This only seems to encourage him further. Experimentally, Tanaka traps the bud between his teeth; gentle enough to not hurt, but hard enough to stir something in him. Again, his dick twitches in response. A noise he’s never made sounds from his throat.

Tanaka is on fire.

“Do you like that?” He’s out of breath when he asks. Kei nods his head before he can catch himself and he can  _ feel _ Ryuu smirk against his skin. “What about this?” He doesn’t understand at first. And then he feels something surround his dick and oh. Oh, that’s a hand. 

Kei gasps loudly into Tanaka’s ear, his entire body rattled with shivers. This is ridiculous, he thinks. Why does Tanaka think he can get away with doing this to him? Does he not expect to go through something equally as embarrassing? The feeling of someone else’s hand touching him is bizarre, to say the least; there’s no predicting the movements or controlling the feeling. It’s literally  _ and _ figuratively out of his hands.

Tanaka’s thumb tenderly drags along the entire length of his dick. He swirls wide circles around the head and puts pressure on the slit. He repeats this action a few times, his gaze boring into Tsukishima’s face. He can feel his boxers sticking to him, precum slowly dribbling out and dampening his clothes under Tanaka’s hand. It’s too much. It’s way too much.

It’s unclear why Tsukishima reacts the way he does. Maybe it’s out of spite. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to feel this way alone. By the time it registers within his own mind, it’s too late to take it back.

Reluctantly, Tsukishima’s gaze flits downwards. He gawks at the hand palming his boyfriend’s cock; betrayed, by his own selfish personality. His jaw drops and he’s about to jerk his hand back when Tanaka moans with such abandon that he can’t stop from second guessing himself. Tanaka’s eyes are closed, the hand on his dick slack; the muscle beneath his fingertips twitching, twitching, twitching.

This is an extremely powerful feeling. To be able to control someone with just your  **fingertips** . It perplexes and astounds him that he, of all people, can make Tanaka feel this way. That he can make this wild and exuberant boy into a such a beautiful, breathless mess. His fingers briefly tremble with fleeting apprehension before he’s able to steel his nerve and his grip. 

He can feel the curvature of Tanaka’s cock against his palm and the warmth from the veins pulsating against it. Tanaka is longer and definitely a lot thicker than he is. It’s a little intimidating. But he’s already made up his mind. He’s going to do this. He wants to do this.

Tsukishima warily wraps his fingers around his shaft and ventures to mimic the ministrations Tanaka performed on him to the best of his ability. He uses his thumb to stroke the underside of his cock, briefly palms the crown. Tanaka grunts and crumples backwards onto his elbows, his eyes half-lidded and pleading. Tsukishima looks at him in an awe inspired haze. He’s never seen Tanaka look so disheveled before. 

His hands seemingly move on their own accord. They leave the solid warmth of Tanaka’s cock to slide underneath the waistband of his sweats. Tanaka struggles to catch his breath. His chest is rising, falling; sweat pooling in the pit of his sternum. The gasping, pleasured sounds coming out of his mouth instigates Tsukishima into going further. He timidly peels down the first article of clothing, his knuckles scraping against the trail of coarse hairs. He can see Tanaka biting his lip, anticipation heavy on a furrowed brow. It spurs the heat coiled in his belly to unwind and spread. 

There’s uncertainty on the tip of his tongue as he hesitantly tugs at the second article of clothing. He wants to ask if Tanaka is okay with what he’s doing, but he already knows the answer when their eyes momentarily lock.  **It’s okay** . Tsukishima squares his jaw and returns his attention to the boxers he’s gripping just a little too tightly. He slides them down, Tanaka shimmies his hips; they slip over and release his cock to the chilled air. 

It’s a lot more impressive up close, Tsukishima notes. He can see goosebumps forming on his skin and the way his cock trembles from the light breeze pouring in from a cracked window. He tears his eyes away when Tanaka lets out a nervous laugh, the quiet atmosphere suffocating him. Tsukishima goes to push his glasses up his nose out of habit and sputters as he remembers they aren’t there. “S-Sorry…”

“No, it’s okay. It’s probably weird, right?” Of course Tanaka would make light of the situation. Tsukishima is grateful for that. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Just go ahead and look at it. It’ll be less weird if you know what it looks like, right?” That’s a lot easier said than done. Tanaka shines a toothy smile at him, and somehow, that makes him feel a lot less awkward. 

“I — suppose so.” Tsukishima apprehensively does as suggested. He lowers his gaze and attempts to calmly take in Tanaka’s body. Tanaka watches him with a curious lilt to his lips. Fingers spread across the defined muscles of his thighs, soaking in his warmth. They gradually move inwards until Tsukishima finds the courage to take hold of Tanaka’s cock. It’s heavy and slick in his palm; warm against the chill of his fingers. Tanaka inhales a startled gasp, his fingers digging into the sheets. His mouth hangs open and it looks as if he’s trying to say something. Tsukishima lifts his free hand to cover the smile threatening to rip his face in half.

Someone else’s dick in his hand is a foreign feeling. He experimentally drags his hand down the entire length and pauses at the head, collecting any remaining precum that gathered earlier into his palm. It makes the second journey down a lot smoother and even earns him a throaty hum of approval. Tsukishima shifts closer between his thighs, his head dipped low between his knees. He briefly considers sucking him off, but that thought is quickly cut short when Tanaka lifts up on his elbows to speak.

“If you’re nervous, I can touch you instead.” Tsukishima falters in his movements. His grip stays strong on Tanaka’s cock as he looks up at him through his eyelashes. Tanaka swallows thickly. “Or! Or, we could do it at the same time. I wanna — I wanna touch you too.” He pushes himself up into a sitting position, guiding Tsukishima back into his lap. He looks a little skeptical as he complies. 

Tsukishima’s lips form into a watery line as Tanaka’s hands reach for the hem of his pants. They share a quick glance, Tanaka waiting for him to nod his head in approval. Unlike Tsukishima’s hesitant and withdrawn actions, Tanaka confidently tugs both layers of fabric down in one swift motion. Tsukishima’s cock bobs and slaps against his stomach in response. His lungs are burning as he hides his face behind cupped hands. 

“Wow!” Tanaka exclaims with fervor, taking Tsukishima’s cock into his hand. His fingers give a gentle squeeze. “Even your — even your dick is really cute…” His other hand grabs his own, guiding them closer together for comparison. “Look!” Tsukishima pointedly closes his eyes. “Come on, Kei…” He wraps a single hand around both of their cocks and gives a slide of his fist. Tsukishima bites his tongue to hold back any noise. “Our dicks look even cuter together than we do.”

“ _ Please, _ stop talking.” Tsukishima spreads his fingers apart to shoot Tanaka a scowl from between them. He wasn’t expecting to be met with a provocative simper; it compels his cock to quiver. Tanaka unquestionably felt it, as he's quick to pick up his pace. Tsukishima drops his head onto Tanaka’s shoulder, hands pressed tight against his biceps. The blunt edges of his nails dig into his skin and he swears his soul is leaving his body.

The once brisk air in the room now feels muggy and heated in their lungs. Tanaka’s skin is covered in sweat. It drips down his abdomen and into his navel. Tsukishima follows it with his eyes, stare traveling lower to witness the work Tanaka’s doing on them. The muscles in his arm are straining; he can see the veins pulsating in his wrist. Tsukishima exhales and bones rattle with excitable drive as he outstretches an arm to position a palm over his boyfriend’s fist. 

Their hands move together in tandem. Tanaka’s breathing slows into deeper, heavier intervals; Tsukishima ponders if he’s close to cumming. Foggy gaze flits between Tanaka’s face and cock, desperate to witness  **everything** . Something deep within him stirs and awakens. The hand at Tanaka’s bicep relocates to his chest. There’s a split moment of hesitation before he pushes Tanaka into the mattress. 

Air leaves his lungs in a stunned inhalation as his back hits the sheets. Tsukishima leers down at him with an almost animalistic glint to his eyes while he straddles Tanaka’s hips. He grinds down into him, rubbing their cocks together. He’s panting, skin sticky with blotches of red; but Tanaka still thinks he’s the most beautiful human being he’ll ever see. Tanaka’s hands wrap around Tsukishima’s body and cautiously find comfort and support against each unclothed mound of flesh. It dazes him; the feeling of calloused pads gently pressing into his skin making his cock ache.

He can’t cum before Tanaka. He won’t allow it.

Tsukishima sucks his cheeks between his teeth to keep himself present. His fingers engulf Tanaka’s cock in favor of ignoring his own. They squeeze and pump him while his torso shifts closer, mouth hovering over Tanaka’s panting one. Tanaka feverishly presses their mouths together; exhales mingling into hushed groans of appreciation. 

“Are you gonna cum?” Tsukishima breath warms Tanaka’s earlobe, tickles the sensitive skin. Goosebumps cover his neck and arms. He chokes out a word that Tsukishima can only guess was yes. 

Tsukishima wasn’t prepared for the intensity of Tanaka’s orgasm. Shivers rattle his body while muscles convulse in his thighs. He moans the world into Tsukishima’s mouth as he searches to hold one of his hands. Cum coats his hand and dribbles between his fingers, shoots across the expanse of Tanaka’s abdomen. 

Tsukishima feels like he just  **won** nationals.

Tanaka feels like he just won nationals  **twice** .

His head lolls back into the sheets while his chest rapidly heaves in attempts catch his breath. Tsukishima eyes the sticky liquid in his hand, splaying his fingers to watch the strings fall between them. He just did that. He just made Tanaka cum. Realization blooms on his cheeks and eyes dart to the side, awkward energy washing back over him. He tries to cover his cock, that is still painfully throbbing, behind his arms and slouched posture. 

“That was incredible, Kei.” The sultry tone to Tanaka’s voice soothes the anxiety that dared to rear its head. His arms extend and surround Tsukishima’s pinched frame, completely enveloping him until he’s able to swap their positions. He lays Tsukishima down beneath him, not minding the knees immediately being drawn up to his chest. He bends down to press a kiss to his sweaty forehead. “Let me make you feel good too.”

_ ‘You don’t have to,’ _ are the words daring to escape from the tip of his tongue. But how could he dare say that when Tanaka is looking at him so earnestly? 

Tsukishima lets his legs fall, slow and timid; the flush on his pert cock promptly catching Tanaka’s attention. “Were you close to coming too?” 

“I — yeah…” He’s unable to meet Tanaka’s fervent gaze as he speaks. His legs cocoon around Tanaka’s body after he settles himself in place. This is so embarrassing. The way Tanaka is speaking to him isn’t necessarily any different from normal day conversation with how freely his speech and thoughts flow out. But under this type of situation, Tsukishima can’t help but be embarrassed by it. He’s never even allowed himself to consider hearing these types of words from Tanaka’s mouth. He tucks his chin into his chest and  _ breathes _ .

“Then… I’ll just do this.” Tsukishima parts his lips to question what he means, but the only thing that manages to come out is a piercing moan that he’s unable to retain. Tanaka’s mouth has already engulfed the majority of Tsukishima’s cock, his lips brushing against the curly hairs on his pubic bone. The head reaches the back of his throat and he swallows, swallows, swallows; suppressing the gag reflex he’s always been thankful for not having. 

Wet. Warm. Tongue. Teeth. Dirty. Tanaka. Good. Love.

Words come and go from Tsukishima’s frazzled consciousness. His eyes are torn from blearily boring into the ceiling and watching Tanaka’s mouth make his cock disappear. His fingers grip at his own chest, nails dragging across his ribs. His lungs and heart feel like they’re going to burst through. Tanaka’s hand joins them, lovingly intertwining their fingers. 

Tsukishima nearly loses his mind. Tanaka’s hand is working any remaining skin untouched by his lips, the squeezing desperately at the hand he’s gripping. Toes curl and clasp the sheets between them. Slurping and sucking noises surround him as if he’s wearing headphones; it sends waves upon waves of heat to his cock. Intense feelings of pleasure pool in the lowest pits of his belly.

Precum glazes over his tongue and easily slides down his throat. Its unsurprisingly bitter, though it isn’t a completely disgusting taste either. He smiles around his cock, his head rhythmically bobbing. His fingers massage the base where his mouth is unable to reach while his free hand teases his balls. Tsukishima writhes under his touch, the heels of his feet digging into Tanaka’s back. He’s so close to cumming. He grabs and pushes down on Tanaka’s head, fingertips smoothing over the shaved surface. 

Tanaka nearly sputters from the force in which Tsukishima thrusts into his throat. He pulls his mouth back as he cums. The hot liquid sprays over his parted lips and nose, his tongue and fingers immediately working in sync to gather and lap it all up. Tsukishima seems mortified as he peeks through watered lashes. Tanaka grins, his fingers dripping with saliva and cum as he removes them from his mouth. 

“Why — why are you doing that?” Tsukishima chokes out with a worry ridden brow. “That’s disgusting.” 

“No it's not.” Tanaka lowers himself once again to Tsukishima’s cock. It's going flaccid at this point, so Tanaka gingerly takes it within his grasp. Tsukishima pulls a face that tells him it's sensitive, so he takes extra care when he licks and cleans the excess cum off of him. Tsukishima's knees slap around his ears, a quiet whimper falling from his lips. Tanaka swipes his thumb over his lip and and carefully repositions Tsukishima’s legs back onto the mattress. He follows him down, broad chest looming over his boyfriend’s fatigued body. “Hey, Kei?”

Tsukishima scrunches his nose. He doesn’t want to talk right now. He feels dirty and, however adamantly Tanaka would deny it, disgusting. His skin is sticky from sweat and cum. He’s sure he doesn’t smell good either. And Tanaka pressed so tightly atop him definitely isn’t helping anything right now. Dropping his head back into the sheets, Tsukishima wills himself to speak. “What?”

The switch in mood doesn’t go unnoticed by him. Tanaka modestly retreats, as he assumes he should, and instead finds himself comfortable laying on his back at his side. Tsukishima is extremely grateful; hand searching, reaching, to lazily play with Tanaka’s fingers in silent consolation for his selfishness. “That was really great. I knew it was gonna be great, but not that great. You know?” His unoccupied hand lifts to the air where he splays his fingers wide. A dreamy mist clouds his vision. “I love you so much, Kei.”

Tsukishima turns his head, cheek pressing against the ball of Tanaka’s shoulder. His brows are downturned, lips daring to wobble. Tanaka stretches, no doubt uncomfortable for the joints in his arm, to run his fingers through Tsukishima’s hair. “I know…” He worries his lip between his teeth; the words  _ I love you too _ falling short on his tongue. 

It’s moments like these that he feels the most guilty. Because he can’t express the vast amounts of love he holds for this man. Because he wants to prove the unwarranted trust Tanaka holds in him true. 

“Good. I thought you got tired of hearing it too often and tuned me out.” Tanaka teases, such a lighthearted and tender tone to his usually rough voice. Tsukishima is instinctively drawn closer; legs shifting and pushing him closer, torso tucking snugly into his side. Tanaka eagerly accepts, wrapping his arm protectively around Tsukishima’s back. Their clasped hands rest comfortably atop Tanaka’s bare chest.

“Um…” He starts, stops; anxiously wets his lip. Tanaka peers down at him, patience clear in the smile he shines. Tsukishima has to look away. He stares into the darkening recesses of Tanaka’s bedroom, barely able to make out any details without his glasses. As his gaze settles on a picture of the two of them ( taken by saeko, of course ) proudly presented on the wall by his bed, Tsukishima finally steels his will to speak. “I love you too.”

The light that sparks within Tanaka’s eyes is breathtaking. Tsukishima can feel the muscles in his body practically vibrating with the want to reach out and grab him. It brings a stifled smile to his lips as he gives in first, tugging at Tanaka’s arm to guide him into hovering above him again. His elbows encroach around Tsukishima’s head, knees thrown over and tucked tightly around his hips. He tries to ignore their bare skin rubbing together, instead focusing on the way the bed is dipping beneath the pressure of Tanaka’s weight by his head.

“I know.” He uses Tsukishima’s own words against him. His cheeks flush automatically in response. “But I loved hearing you say it. Will you say it again?” 

“... don’t push your luck,  _ Tanaka-san _ .” The wit in his voice is slowly creeping back in. Tanaka’s teeth bare in an amused grin. 

“Just once! One more time!” He’s quick to attack Tsukishima’s face and neck in kisses. They’re wet, open mouthed; mostly slobber and laughter than actual kisses. Tsukishima laughs, quiet and restrained, as he presses against Tanaka’s head. There’s nowhere near enough force behind the motions to actually push him away though. 

“Okay, okay! Stop!” It tickles. He doesn’t mean to snort when he laughs. Tanaka freezes mid-assault, mouth latched onto his skin as if he were giving him a hickey. “I love you, okay?” 

Saliva trails from lip to neck as Tanaka lifts his head; it slowly breaks apart and drops down his chin. He doesn’t wipe it away before he moves on to Tsukishima’s mouth. It’s probably the wettest, grossest kiss they’ve ever exchanged, but for some mysterious reason unbeknownst to either of them, it’s also their sweetest. 

  
“I’m so lucky that you love me.”

**Author's Note:**

> that was one hell of a journey huh :'))) 
> 
> i put so much love into this fic !! i hope everyone enjoyed it !! i'm looking forward to your feedback xoxo


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